And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
