It's Friday. Sex?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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