what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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