well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
