My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
