He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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