I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
