Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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