If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
