I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
