did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
