moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
