I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i can't believe i had my finger in that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
