and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
