Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sarcasm needs its own font
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As shirtless as possible
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
