I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
