I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
