It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
