And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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