Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
