but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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