he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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