did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
