The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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