My liver just broke up with me...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize