I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
