he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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