your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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