The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
