I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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