HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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