You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
