chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well you can't waste a boner
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
