I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
