i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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