Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
