we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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