Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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