I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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