We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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