the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
