hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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