Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
