8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
