I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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