i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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