she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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