Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
