allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This baby is an asshole
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
