Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
