It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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