I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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