Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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