we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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