By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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