a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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