How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
