Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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