Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
