Hey man sorry I got all grabby
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
