Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
