HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
