She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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