...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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