i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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