alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
