I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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