You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
