hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
