I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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