Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
