This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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