Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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