I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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